Unhappy Endings: An Anti-climactic Finish

These days you’re hard pressed to walk down a strip of shops without passing at least a couple of doors with an ‘entrance at rear’ sign, or a classy neon light that says ‘open’. These places are usually brothels, and others are your friendly neighbourhood whack shacks. Massage parlours specialising in the happiest of endings. Some blokes will tell you they were genuinely shocked and appalled by the offer, but those blokes are probably lying.

Legend has it that you go through a nice little massage with a lady, and when she asks you to lay on your back so she can do your front, she’ll start to subtly brush your junk, she may ask if you are single and a few other polite but arbitrary questions that have no effect on your time together. In more direct places you’ll be asked if you’d like a happy ending or to be finished off. If you decline, you get dressed and pay for your service. If you accept, then your session will be done when you are.

Operating under the assumption that the business is registered for its purpose, and neither party involved in the massage has been coerced, when you’re offered some hand action you should be good to go. However, there’s quite a lot of shame associated with the rub ‘n’ tug operation, and not everyone walks out with a spring in their step.

Unhappy Endings

For those in monogamous relationships where a post-massage wank has not been approved by both of you, getting polished off is a big no-no due to the perceived sexual implications of hand-on-genital contact. Most men don’t visit a parlour to cheat; they just roll with what happens and deal with it later.

Others feel guilty or ashamed because they believe they’ve paid for sex and contributed to illegal prostitution, as well as the misunderstood massage industry – one too often associated with illegal immigrants and human trafficking, which is very rarely the case. For the conflicted, an anti-climax might leave them traumatised. Agreeing to a handjob but being unable to maintain an erection, or ejaculating prematurely are common unhappy endings. One positive of not enjoying a stranger pulling your parts is afterwards you’ll know if it was for you. You might be a person uncomfortable with casual encounters, and that’s totally cool – now you know!

A bit of googling will turn up results of lost souls wondering if they committed a sin getting a rub down, and the advice is pretty split between the genders. If you’re in two minds about whether to go, or if you did the wrong thing by going, hopefully you’ve got a friend who’ll give you staunchly positive advice, like this guy I found online: “I have been to places expecting a good time and wind up getting a damn massage so if you see too many certificates and degrees and crap giving the place reputability grab your boner and run.” Poor guy.